You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Someone signed my nipple.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
