jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize