tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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