hotel room ftw
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
