haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
