So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
