cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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