So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
