Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
