Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
