the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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