having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
