thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize