You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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