That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
