I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
