when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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