If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize