He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
