Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We're too hungover to prance.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
