I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize