I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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