god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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