I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She bit a glass in half.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
