Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
