So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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