I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
