I hate your face
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize