There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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