it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
