Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
