I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
