just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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