I wish I could teleport
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
