I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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