let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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