the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Randomize
