A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
