a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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