Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
