he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
