I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
