I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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