It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
