absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
