I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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