I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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