so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize