Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
In America we eat man semen.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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