it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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