its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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