I wanna bring you to show and tell
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
