A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
