Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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