Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
