oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
