You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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