I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i will never coherently bang her
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
