I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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