I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
