i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
